2004-09-23 - 2:56 p.m.

News flash. I'm not important, and neither are you.

It just came to me today while I was trying to please two of my co-workers with an ad I'd created for an on campus noon-time meditation group.

As the two women, both in their mid 40's, picked apart the ad piece by piece, criticizing everything from font placement to the affluent look on the face of a graphic I'd chosen, it hit me like a paintcan to the face.

IT'S A FUCKING AD. An ad that will take up half of one page in a paper that most students read for the comics and barely has time for the ink to dry before it finds eternal sleep in the recycling bin.

And then I really started thinking.

People I meet always ask, "So what do you do for a living?" And I proudly toot, "I'm a marketing and advertising executive for Univeristy Hospital!"

And even that's a load of crap. First off I'm a Mktg/Adv Representative. I only call myself an executive because there aren't any other reps. Kinda like calling yourself CEO of your bowel movements. Cuz they're your bowel movements, and no one elses. And yes, technically I work for University Hospitals, but that's only because the Student Health Center is a division of University Hospitals.

So I trump up my job title and try to sound important. And why? I think it's cuz I don't want to admit, even to myself, that my job is pointless and if I don't become a Rockstar, prominent actor, or World Leader (Despot perferably) then my life will only be remembered by a handful of people (who coincidentally will lead just as pointless lives). My only success will be in producing an offspring who might have a better life than my own. And depending on my breeding partner, that could be a disappointment too.

So back to the Ad.

So these women are working the ad over letter by letter, violently scribbling with their red pens. The wrinkles on their foreheads deepening and multplying as they try their damndest to figure out how to get a couple of people to come to a half hour meditation like they're going to achieve Nirvana or something.

So I chose to enlighten them.

"This is fucking stupid." (I'm known, and perhaps envied around the office for frequently dropping the F-Bomb, throwing caution to the wind and whatnot.)

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that we've spent almost half an hour trying to revise this ad. No one gives a shit if the woman in the ad looks like she's daydreaming as opposed to meditating. and no one cares that I used a Bold Arial 18pt font as opposed to a Times New Roman Italic. I agree the ad should catch people's eyes, and be interesting, or else who's gonna look at it... but seriously! Who the Fuck cares?!?"

I guess I wasn't born to be a motivational speaker or a pastor cuz they just rolled their eyes and went back to red penning my ad.

So I came to this conclusion:

Either you have to completely fool yourself, and convince yourself that your job has meaning, and your life is important, and wrap yourself in a warm fuzzy blanket of lies... or you have to come to terms with the fact your life is pointless and try your damndest to either improve it, or enjoy the small victories from day to day.

I've decided I'm not a warm, fuzzy blanket of lies kind of guy.

So I'm not exactly sure how to go about making my life worthwhile, but I'm sure it has its roots in either writing or music. So that's a start.

First things first, a vacation. Yeah, yeah I know I just got back from DisneyWorld...but c'mon a 4 day trip with my family and a 4 year old nephew? Exactly.

So a vacation, a road-trip. Maybe a couple of friends. Then I need to work on finding a new day job. That seems to be the root for most of my unhappiness.

That's a good start. I'll let ya know how it goes from there.

"Just three words my love: You meant everything."

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