2005-02-09 - 12:50 a.m.

Ok as of 12:50am on this fine-ass February 9th, 2005 of our (your?) lord, I'd like to make a list, no rather a proclamation of things to have completed before I'm 30.

Don't ask me what brought this out... but if you did, I'd say it was a mixtue of my recent knuckle brusing bout with the flu, my upcoming 24th joyeaux anee, and perhaps even my mom's golden year of celebration...

Either way I figured I'd pick a good number, say....14, and come up with 14 damn fine accomplishments that I want under my belt before I fall face first into middle-age.

In no particular order.

1) Skydive. Sure it's generic, and I'm prolly not the first twenty-something to stare back middle age from the open canopy of a small plane, but something about the supposed serenity of the great blue yonder for 60 seconds (or however long) alone in my thoughts (well, unless its tandem, then its me, my thoughts, and some dude humping my backside) seems like it would be not only a thrilling rush, but a real perspective gainer. To see the world from that far up, to let it embrace me, cold winds thrashing my body, the silent scream of fear sliding like icy drops of quicksilver out of my mouth, and nothing but sweet, sweet mother earth rushing to embrace me.

2) Record an album. Christ how long have I been saying this. I can only hope that with my recent fascination with guitars I can finally make this one a reality. Of the 14 I'm going to list I swear this one feels like it could be both the easiest and the most far-fetched. Just 10 or so songs. No script, no self-doubts, just a tape recorder and me. This can be done and sometimes I feel like smashing my head wide open when I see all the bands in this town doing it without a second thought. Of course the people close to me are going to critisize it, of course they aren't going to like it....and yet somehow I'm letting future critiques and forthcoming bashing restrict me from even making an attempt.

3) Stroll the strip of Vegas with my brothers. This is a piece of cake. Daniel turns 21 in less than two years. Pas de probleme. The bright lights, the manufactured adrenaline, and three brothers bound at the soul. That's not luck, that's destiny.

4) Own property in the dark woods of Tenneessee. Again, the brothers are looking into making this a reality. Derrick and I have both looked into some property that the bank is fore-closing on and we'd like nothing more than to raise the land and erect a home for our families to meet every Thanksgiving. A few years of clearing, building, and planting, and right up the road from Gran's house...

5) Score a goal. You know what folks? After the way my back gaveout on me a few years back, and the 6 months I spent belly-up on a couch, I would never have thought this one possible outside of a game at the YMCA. And yet, two weeks ago, in the premiere league no doubt, I scored two. First game I'd played in in over 4 years. Two. Premiere league. Oh sure, I've lost a step (or twelve) but that doesn't matter. Watching the ball pass under the keeper's outstretched glove was more than just a simple tally on the electric scoreboard...so much more.

6) Sit through a 4th of July.

7) Meet Jeff Tweedy. Yeah this is kinda gay in that hero-worship since and whatnot...and its not really about the music so much as it is about his mannerisms and personality. Maybe meet isn't even the right termonology. More like observe. There's something about his lyrics, his outlook on life, that is so disguised, veiled, etc... I'd love to understand how he sees life.

8) Make my father proud. I know, I know, he says I do it on a regular basis....but I'd like to really make him proud... get that big job or promotion that lets me buy the old man a mercedes or bmw. I know he won;t buy himself one...but I'd love nothing more than to see that hardened smile crack at the sight of a brand new car in the driveway.

9) Make my mother proud. I want to marry, and when that first kid comes sliding out into the cold world, I want my mom to know that all the lessons she impaled into me in times of happy and times of sad are the building blocks for the same lessons I will raise my child with. My mother raised me without much religion, always allowing my mind to wander over concepts like "good" and "right." I'd like to think that for the most part, I've come to the correct conclusions. And the only way I can think to thank her is to give a new life the same chances she gave me.

10) Find all my old best friends one more time. When I made my summertime roadtrip a while back to find my old elementary school friends, it made me a little homesick for the people who made me who I am today. I'd like to make a list (oh god another list?) of 20 or so people who I'd consider my "best" friends and do my absolute best to track them down for lunch and some laughs. What a beautiful trip that would be.

11) Check out Iceland or Greenland. Or both. I can't really think of a good reason not to. So it's on here.

12) Write a script for a movie. See album.

13) Combine all these entries into one massive volume that I can stash away and perhaps give to my grandkids someday. Just to prove that the old fossil wasn't anymore crazy in his old age then he was back in the day. I want to be able to relive all these terrific, terrible, heart wrenching moments that I've detailed out. I only wish I'd started this journal earlier.

14) I want to meet you. All of you. Anyone who reads this. And If I know you, I want to meet you again. I want to know everything there is to know about you. I want to soak up everything you have in your head and use it to keep spilling more and more of myself onto these pages. I'm only as interesting as the people I interact with. Without you, there is no story.

So as we stand, I'm 1 for 14. 13 to go.

Far from the man he desires to be, closer than he'll ever know. If we continue to reach, the worst we will do is stretch our arms a bit. I promise to keep growing so long as there is something to grow towards.

A small P.S.

There's so many people I haven't heard from in forever. While it's (admitedly) and terribly vain of me to think anyone is reading...please be a good reader and sign the guestbook. Just a little hello, or even a short note would be terrific. I'm curious as to whats happened to everyone these days. I'd love to chat.

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