2005-02-21 - 3:38 p.m.

My circles are starting to collide resulting in the sudden birth of these friends/ex-girlfriends/enemies Venn Diagrams all over the place. Stretch your brain and you might see the mental image begin to take shape.

Venn-fucking-Diagrams people. Work with me here.

(Disclaimer: Poetic rant forthcoming. Don't read it. Just wait for the next top ten list or something.)

So anywho, the town is shrinking and the stress of day-to-day life is expanding. Sometimes I toy with the idea of expanding popularity and noteriety. Is that something I want? Do I get off on the idea of going places and being recognized and slathered with attention? Sure. To a certain extent I think. There are a few people (girls in particular) that I know that NEED to be recognized, applauded, praised, etc. and feel the need to throw themselves out into the public forum at every chance made available.

And that's not what I want. I don't need that kind of attention. But when I go to get a fucking burger and I'm recognized by people I don't recognize, it's time for a scene change.

I know this is coming off as pretenious, and petty I'm sure. After all, who am I?

Apparently somebody to some people.

Thank the lord I'm not good enough at anything to ever become famous haha. That's gotta be hell. The constant exposure, the criticsm, etc...

But I'm just a young man trying to find his place in the world. Pinballing from dream to dream, trying my hand in this and that, dabbling in one lifestyle after the next. And sometimes the jealousy rolls right out of their mouths and into my face and sometimes I see it smoldering behind their eyes.

I'm a fucking person. I make my own choices and live the way I see fit. I'm not afraid to admit that. I don't hide beihnd a facade of complacency, pretending like my life is terrific when in fact it isn't.

So far things ARE terrific. I've conquered inner and outer demons. I've let go of an alcohol addicition, I've said goodbye to panic attacks and second-guessing. I've physically rehabilitated, learned new tricks, refused to accept things as they are. I'm writing, I'm playing, I'm running, I'm living like it's my last goddamn day on Earth somtimes.

I'm smiling, laughing, crying, vomitting, lifting, fucking, sleeping, bouncing, yelling, singing, whispering and exisiting.

I exist. I'm so easy to see-through because I don't mask my feelings. I'm so easy to figure out because I don't think I'm too complex for anyone else to understand. I'm just like you.

The only difference is that I admit to it.

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