2005-09-20 - 9:51 a.m.

If this entry were a poor 80's cop drama, the kind that started off with a musical montage followed by the plastering of the episode title following the credits (i.e. "The case of the Seattle Slasher" -or- "Vendetta") then here's how mine would start...

(In this re-creation, I'll be played by Kirk Cameron. Or perhaps Neil Patrick Harris, depending on who's available and willing to work for Crack.)

-Driving bass line over the top of high hat-

Scene fades in on the entrance to a parking lot. My IROC (yeah I drive an IROC in the show) blows through the security parking arm rather than scanning my tag. Peases of wooden parking arm go flying. The security guard just shakes his fist at me. You can tell that he's replaced alot of security parking arm things.

The camera catches a smirk on my face in the rearviewmirror. The Black IROC (with gold hubcaps) groans as I throw the emergency break and spin 270 degrees into a parking spot between a soccer mom minivan and a pick-up truck with a "God will bless America when America returns to God" sticker on it.

-By now howling guitar has risen to the surface and the jam is underway-

I hop out the window, spit on a spot on the hood and clean it with my shirt. My plaid shirt. I'm probably smoking to.

As I walk across the street to the health center, oblivious to the nearby cross walk, a couple of cars screech to a halt and honk at me. I stop, taking almost 34 seconds to turn my head and stare at the driver of the closest one. He pees his pants and puts his car in reverse only to run into another car. This sets off a comedic chain reaction of many cars crashing into one another. The last one explodes.

I enter the health center and a hot blonde with gigantic mammaries wearing a really lame looking nurses outfit (with a hat with a red cross on it) smiles at me and says something, but you can't make it out because this is after all the opening credits and there's only music and no dialogue. But if you're reading her lips it almost looks like "Can I sup your dickens?"

I ascend the four flights of stairs in what appears to be four steps thanks to clever editing.

-By now the jam is coming to a climax, tons of drum fills and perhaps even a sweet ass saxophone-

I kick open my bosses door, and then the word "Reaffirmation" appaers. The credits finish rolling and the screen fades to black.

That's a wrap. Forget the show, I'd watch the opening credits on continuous loop.

So why "Reaffirmation?" you ask as you sip your cammomile tea and check your MySpace inbox...

Well, I'm halfway to a promotion. Actually, I got a raise and half of a promotion yesterday.

The first was a simple raise. A nice pat on the back that said, hey, you're doing a fine job. And if you're willing to work 40 hours a week from now on, as opposed to the 32 you currently work, well then we'd be happy to bump your pay up about 10%. Fantasmo. So the days of Thursday night debauchery may be behind me, but the days of buying a house and new car are that much closer.

But it didn't stop there. Fueled by a combination of 3 cups of coffee and an overwhelming feeling of "If you don't ask, you'll never know," I approached my boss and asked that I be promoted from just plain ole Information Specialist to "Senior Information Specialist."

For the next 20 minutes, I detailed my job responsibilities and how it had exponentially grown since I began. I pulled out patient reports, showing how the numbers had close to tripled since I started working the marketing and advertising. I even went so far as to research the job descriptions of other Sr. Information Specialists around campus, pointing out the similarites between our jobs, and the dissimilarities in our job titles.

As I wrapped up my opening statement, prepared for the bargaining and arguing that would most likely accompany such a brash demand, I had the wind knocked out of me when my boss simply said,

"Yes. You're absolutely right."

Regaining my composure somewhat, I put on my best hard-nosed buisness face and said,

"Yes, I'm glad you agree."

Haha. What a sham. If they could have only seen the inside me who was busy doing cartwheels and blowing spit bubbles in excitement. Anywho, long story short, I secured the first half of this promotion, and the SHC will still pay for me to get my masters and I'll still be a full-time employee while I'm attending classes. Now that I have my boss's approval, all I need is the University's approval.

So I'll be submitting that form at the end of the day and will (hopefully) hear back from them in about a week.

And then the celebration will begin. So I'm going back to school, I'm getting a promotion (with a potential 20-25% increase in salary) and my parents are taking me on a golf outing this weekend.

Reaffirmation.

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