2005-11-11 - 1:41 p.m.

Something that pranced across my melon this afternoon...

Life is essentially a gigantic, sprawling clusterfuck that we spend our every waking moment trying to either ignore or wrap our tiny little minds around. I was thinking today that despite our outer exteriors, our masks (what a silly cliche) if you will, we are all really intricately fucked up psychotic sapiens.

But we do our absolute best to ignore this fact and adhere to what we envision is a "normal" lifestyle. Each and every one of us has our dark side, our "Stranger" (thanks Billy Joel), that we keep under lock and key but still love
(need?) to whip out from time to time. To provide examples:

The woman at work who appears to be completely "zen," the one with the picture of her family on her desk, the one who speaks of vacationing on the east coast, the one who brings a neatly packed lunch consisting of a fresh salad and perhaps some tuna.

The same one that secretly pops anti-depression meds like they're candy, washing them down with a lil box wine, the one who cries every night when she gets to her car after work, the one who, behind closed doors, bad mouths her coworkers with a mouth a sailor would be ashamed of.

Or the young man with the sparkling smile, that has all the right answers and oozes charm. The one who seemingly lands on his feet after every adventure.

The same one that can shift from manic to depressive like forward or reverse in a golf cart. The man who fuels his "charming" exterior with substances and temporary feel goods.

And each and every one of us is this person in one way or another. Around family and friends, the people we're supposed to feel the most secure, safe, comfortable around, these are the people that we fool the most. The ones we practice our ruse on, the ones that we are scared to death will find out the truth.

We all shit, but no one wants to talk about that.

And we are all liars. All of us. Even the most pious of us demand blow jobs from little boys.

To varying degrees we carry on this game. Like night and day we can switch personas to match our moods. Who will we be today? Are we the coporate, suit and tie, snazzy shoes, perferred close to the building parking spot guy? Or are we the standoffish, pathetically creatvie, booze gulping dickhead?

All of us, lying out our dirty asses and for what? Why do we do this? Why is the concept of brutal, in your face honesty seem so unattainable? Why can't we look other human beings in the face and say exactly what we're thinking?

Because we're all liars.

Anywho, this is the result of my stranger rearing its ugly head. The substances, the booze, the late nights with temporary romances... its just got me thinking.

Lies.

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