2006-01-04 - 9:33 a.m.

A very very mild winter, which I'm sure lured me into a false sense of security and encouraged me to ignore the warning signs.

I fell into a routine very unbecoming of my (true?) self and soon I was stumbling around inside my own body, obsessing over the glitz and paying almost no attention to the moment at hand... the real things that have real meaning in our lives. Or some silly shit like that.

And so with my neck craned backwards, transfixed on distant stars, a dialated pupil trying to focus on the aurora above, I didn't see the rock in my path, the snake in the grass, and the machete weilding guerilla until it was far too late.

Life has changed. A lot. And it's still changing. The resultants of my careless decisions (many of which are still unavoidably pending) will shape and mold my future in ways unforseeable, and more importantly, ways that I had previously thought impossible.

I'm being purposely vague only because this arena has grown to large and the security of an online hidewaway has been compromised by my own egotisitical desire to have others scan my "life" or more accurately, my perception of it.

But ok, adversity will either drag me down into the depths of despair, or it will provide the jump start I need to achieve even more lofty aspirations. They say these things come in 3's. 1 and 2, like a heavyweight combo, have bruised and bloodied me. I suppose I'll find out about #3 any day now. Will it be a knockout blow? A glancing shiver that draws blood? Or maybe a wild swing that connects with nothing but air, leaving me the out I need to end this fight?

And regardless of the outcome, I will/must push forward. If not for myself, then simply to damn the critics in my life who anticipate and salivate at any sign of weakness. I will bust free from this unforunate period of my life and I will grab these problems and stuff them down into deep pockets, disacknowledging their prescence until the first round of therapy I suppose.

There is no coping or dealing to do, there is only forward marching and not-look-back-ing.

Godspeed. Right?

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