2006-05-30 - 10:27 a.m.

Uh oh... somebody's feeling lonely.

In the past few weeks, 3 old friends got married, another announced her second engagement, one got divorced, two had children and somewhere amongst all of this I felt an aching.

Now barring the fact that most of these marriages seemed off-the-cuff, doomed from the start and maybe just an excuse to throw a party... I'm still jealous of course.

Sure we'll be picking up the pieces and comforting a couple of these folks when the big D hits (hey, I'm not a Debbie Downer, just a Realist. Over 50% of marriages end in divorce these days, and trust me, they're easy to spot from the get-go) but regardless I'd like to feel that crazy spark again. That intoxicating glow that forces your brain to take a back seat to your heart. The kind that says, "Let's be crazy. Let's spend the rest of our lives togehter."

But I am too damn picky. Absolutely unable to engage in any kind of relationship that doesn't look like it'd last more than a month. There are plenty of physical flings, and yet nothing that ever blooms from some heated moments spent in the dark. And it's not you, it's me. Seriously. I've probably been in the prescence of a hundred dateable, totally wedable young women. And yet I am unable to pull the trigger so to speak. The epitome of a fear of committment.

Perhaps its the very same relationships that I'm jealous of, that also give me all these hesitations. Watching close friends argue with their signifcant others over the most mundane shit. "Oh you left a comment on another girl's MySpace account," "Oh you're spending too much time with your band," "You never want to fight for us..." I could do without those day-to-day nothing fights. Are those really a key part of a real and healthy relationship?

Sure there's bound to be arguments. And there's bound to be fights. But where do you draw the line?

Anywho, I could speak volumes on this, but it wouldn't be anything new or groundbreaking. And why bore an already dwindling readership.

It's summertime and romance is not in the air. Just a whole bunch of humidity.

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