2008-12-11 - 11:48 a.m.

When i was younger (circa 10-18ish) I used to have vivid, grotesque nightmares on a horribly unfortunate basis. I averaged at least one a night, sometimes bolting upright with the cliched sweaty brow, gasping breaths, etc.

The subject material varied from night to night which made it even more terrifying to me. Instead of having a reoccurring nightmare, one that I could analyze end-over-end until it made some kind of sense, I was subjected to the full gamut of nauseating horrors that a young man's imagination can possibly conjure. Long plunges off of buildings, family dying in front of my eyes, snakes, skulls, zombies, etc.

Incidentally none of these terrors represent any of my own fears, they just played out in vivid detail night in and night out. Anywho, around 18ish they petered out, and I didn't really give them much thought until recently.

They've come back. I'm 27 years old and I'm having nightmares all over again. Last night's was a perfect example of the randomness that accompanies these dreams.

I was standing on the tarmac at an airport watching planes land. With the exception of the scream and whine of engines as planes made their approach, it was silent save for the wind blowing. 4 or 5 planes landed without any incident, lulling my dream self into a hypnotic tranquility. Then my eyes caught a jumbo jet, resembling a hybrid of a london style double decker bus and the traditional massive transatlantic airplane model.

The plane was on approach when it suddenly seemed to halt in mid air and while remaining horizontal, begin a slow straight vertical descent towards the ground. The people's faces were unusually and cruely visible in the windows and I was forced to bear witness as the sense of panic began to wash over the faces of business men, women and children as they realized death was a few fiery seconds away.

And of course my dream self was unable or unwilling to look away. The strangest part about the crash was that as the plane dropped like a stone onto the runway, it didn't explode like you'd imagine based on the Michael Bay movie world of physics we're accustom to... in fact as it hit, the plane just kind of broke open like a pinata. Bodies, screaming and distorted scattered like smarties and confetti. The scene was equal parts terrifying and absurd.

But now, instead of awaking in a cold sweat, I just ... wake up. My eyes slide open and there is a coldness, an almost palpable lonliness hanging in the air. It take a few seconds to convince myself that the dream was just that, and then it's on with the day.

I don't what they mean. I don't know if they mean anything.

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